Erotic Embodiment Practices for Nourishing Sex (Part III, Presence)
The power of presence is a deeply nourishing holistic sex practice. Presence tells your lover, I am here for you, for us. Nothing more, nothing less.
This week I’m sharing my most deliciously nourishing erotic embodiment skills. Read the full series using the links below:
→ Erotic Embodiment Skill 1: Stillness
→ Erotic Embodiment Skill 2: Slowness
→ Erotic Embodiment Skill 3: Presence
→ Erotic Embodiment Skill 4: Giving & Receiving
→ Erotic Embodiment Skill 5: Skills-Building
Embodiment is a practice of feeling into your mind, body, and energy all at once. Erotic embodiment practices bring that awareness into sexual play, so that you create nourishing, mindful pleasure in your own body.
And presence is at the heart of it. Like stillness and slowness, presence is a practice. Presence asks us…
Are you here with me?
Can you hold a complex conversation without chasing the dopamine on your phone?
Can you hold your sense of self while I’m in my feelings or in my wild?
Can you be fully here in our co-created experience?
Showing up in presence means you can hold space for your partner. They can be busy, distracted, sad, annoyed, or wildly turned on, and you’re still YOU, your still point within. You don’t take their mood personally. You are present, holding space for them to be their most authentic self. Being present as a lover means you are in the moment—you are not rushing to an end, you are not trying to move the activities along. You are HERE, for whatever arises… whether it’s towards more pleasure, pivoting, or stopping play altogether.
Deep sex can bring up deep feelings for many of us. And when we start to peel away the layers of shame, stigma, sadness, and pain that hold us back from deep pleasure, it can sometimes become intense or even messy. This has come up for both me and my partner: sometimes we have deeply orgasmic experiences; sometimes our orgasms end in tears, or in disembodied experiences that take us out of the moment and out of our body. Being present for all of that is a gift you offer your partner.
I think presence looks/feels like: I am here for you, for us. Nothing more, nothing less.
Bringing in foundational practices like mindfulness, presence, and conscious changes what sex can be. They dismantle the idea that sex must be fast, full of friction, and goal-oriented. They offer a path to healing sexual shame from the inside out. Sexual presence takes sex from the realm of the physical (a short-duration, friction-based, genital experience that doesn’t work for most people with a vagina) to something connected, healing, perhaps even transcendent. When you move from performance to presence, sex becomes a healing practice.
What does this feel like for me, as a woman with a male partner? By being present and making space for my full-spectrum organic arousal, by being slow and steady with my body, my partner creates space for my nervous system to relax. When I relax, I can lean into pleasure in new ways. When we lean into pleasure in new ways, we build connection to each other and to something larger than ourselves.
Learning how to show up in your fullness and presence is how you create deeper connection and better sex. It’s the power of holding your desire, staying still, and honoring what is alive in the moment: stillness, wildness, connection, pleasure, healing... or something more.
Tomorrow, we lean into the power of giving and receiving, and how each offers us a way to deepen our erotic play.
Pleasure is medicine. And midlife is your reclamation era.
I’m Andrea Devon Bertoli, a Pleasure Coach and Sex Educator devoted to the erotic lives of women in midlife. My work lives at the intersection of science, sacred sexuality, and the slow, gorgeous practice of coming home to your body.
Here on Substack you’ll find thoughtful essays, embodied practices, and the kind of honest, warm conversation about sex and intimacy you didn’t know you needed. I offer deep-dive resources on my website, coaching sessions for those ready to go further, and alongside my husband, I host wildly popular workshops online + in-person in the Bay Area. Ready to journey inward? Fill out my New Client Intake form and let’s find out what is possible.
Welcome to Love in Adulthood… where you’ll tap into perimenopausal pleasures, sexual sophistication, and midlife intimacies for all.